Jacquelyn Belcher’s dinner address, July 25, 2009
This is the text of the speech given by Jacquelyn Meredith Belcher at the Marymount College All-School Reunion Banquet on July 25, 2009, in Salina, Kan. The theme of the reunion was “CELEBRATE THE GOOD TIMES – COME ON!”
Thank you, John, for that generous introduction!
You know, a very wise man, Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, said: “Applause before a speaker begins is an act of faith. Applause during the speech is an act of hope. And applause after conclusion is an act of charity.
But John, I think I prefer my priest’s approach when he says: “May the Lord forgive you for your excesses and me for enjoying them so much.
Again, thank you for those kind words.
Buenos dias, bon jour, ohiogazamas, and good evening Sisters of St. Joseph, alumni, friends, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for your warm welcome. I am truly grateful that someone found me and was able to make this evening possible for my attendance.
I think I am only two reunions behind!
I want to begin by taking this opportunity to make some important acknowledgments.
Sisters of St. Joseph, thank you for teaching me the priceless lessons about the importance of learning, loyalty and dedication. Those lessons have served me well over the years.
Wonderful teachers – including Sister Theophane, Mrs. Geraldine Joslin, Sister Domitilla, Sister Alfreda and others, who shared their wisdom, empathy and love, thank you. My training was foundational in the progression of my career – even my college presidencies.
It is indeed a great honor and pleasure for me to not only be here, but to be the speaker for this important occasion. Initially, I was not sure about speaking to you tonight. Then I remembered sage words from my mother: “Wait not until tomorrow. Gather the roses of life today. Gather them in the Spring so that you will have their beauty and fragrance in December.” So here I am – inspired by words spoken long ago.
And yet, much like other reunion speakers who have had little to no contact with former classmates or alumni, I wondered what I might actually say at such a gathering. I wondered if an absence of 50 plus years would create a gap too great to bridge.
I began to challenge my mind, searching for those things that we have in common, knowing that each life is a “particular life.” Each one of us has made our own map for our life’s journey through the unfamiliar country of the future.
Of course, I soon realized that our common bond was Marymount. Both tangible and intangible aspects of this great institution, left indelible marks on us all! Certainly, the personal values instilled in us created common linkages that just might come out in some of the stories we can tell and some I will share tonight.
According to Wendy Martin, author and editor “We are the stories we tell.” And, of course, all of our stories include people, places and things that left imprints on our memories, on our lives. So I characterized my speech as a story about celebrating the good times.
Now, Dale Carnegie characterized his speeches by saying: “The ideas I stand on are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus.”
I suggest Mr. Carnegie would have seen fit to reference my mother had he known her. You will soon see why as I give you glimpses of my story before, during and after Marymount College.
Life Before Marymount
Starting at the beginning of life before Marymount, I was born in 1934. Growing up for me was a breeze. After all, I was special. I was the baby in the family always surrounded by happy people, people seeming to have a good time, having fun, celebrating.
Having a mother who was creative, courageous, confident and in love with life, she clearly believed that her role in life was to be happy and to help others to be the same.
Her mantra seemed to be, “I know there must be something to shout about!”
One of her friends said to her “Ada, if you were put in a room full of manure, you would start digging – certain that where there’s manure, there must be a pony.”
Therefore, as a child, I didn’t see the struggles of a mother who was only a high school graduate, married early and divorced by the age of 23 with three children ages: two-weeks, 3-years and 5-years old.
Although her responsibilities were great, she met them with laughter, grace and yes, celebrations. I often think about all those good times and the many kinds of celebrations we had.
One creative celebration for the first five years of my life was “birthday soup”. Birthday soup was an affordable celebration expressed using a candle waxed to stick to a Ritz cracker, floated on soup that I wouldn’t consider eating otherwise.
We celebrated when her restaurants profits were extraordinarily great. Many times that meant we could do something special like buy each other surprise gifts.
Birthdays were the best celebrations though. That day belonged totally to the honoree who set the agenda of activities for the entire day for all the family and other invited guests. But at midnight sharp, the fairy Godmother waved her magic wand and a new day dawned!
Celebrate the good times for me means bringing forth those kinds of memories, those “roses gathered in spring” and letting the warmth of them wash over my body from head to toe, especially during challenging times in life.
I think mother’s penchant for celebrating even the smallest of things helped her through the times when valleys eclipsed peaks. Daydreaming also helped her to emerge from struggles victorious. T. E. Lawrence wrote about her when he said,
“All people dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds awake to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are wondrous people, in that that they may act on their dreams with open eyes to make it possible.”
Mother acted on her daydreams and attended the local Junior College to take business courses to open a restaurant. Imagine! A single woman, Black, in the 1930’s with three children going to college and starting her own business!
Becoming a successful business woman, making decisions, affecting the quality of life of five people at a time when both women and persons of color faced challenges that we only now read about. Our celebrations grew as we all grew in stature, — mother, grandmother and children.
She loved the saying that “People can be divided into three groups: (1) Those who make things happen, (2) those who watch things happen, and (3) those who wonder what happened.
She prided herself in belonging to the first group. Her wisdom and knowledge came from being curious and industrious and she passed those qualities along to her children. So, I locked them in my mental vault and did not hesitate to sail away from my safe harbor in St. Joseph, MO to what lay ahead at Marymount.
But I never forgot her call to “Come on” and drink of life! Listen to this new album I found, play cards, go to a movie, listen to a mystery on the radio, or to celebrate good grades, family birthdays and so, so much more. “Come on” was essentially her Mary Tyler Moore toss of the hat into the air – signaling her love of life.
There you have it!! I have shared just a glimpse of my life growing up with a wonderful woman for a mother. Because of her, I entered Marymount already knowing how to “celebrate the good times.”
Life at Marymount Until Now
I invite you into the Now of my story. These are Marymount days chronicled from then to this evening. You may be wondering how this African American from St. Joseph, MO came to Salina.
I arrived at Marymount in 1951. Getting here was not easy. Mother, with her strength of will, was determined that I would become a nurse like my aunt. In her mind, that meant I would be educated and prepared to take care of myself.
Having graduated as Valedictorian of my high school class, she was sure that any higher education institution would be (or should be) glad to admit me.
Her plan was for me to attend the local school of nursing. But remember this was 1951. Even though the public schools were segregated, it never occurred to her that a private school could actually deny me admission.
Nonetheless, a little obstacle like segregation was not going to stand in the way of her daughter’s admission to college. She called every priest and nun she knew and the Bishop. She wore them down until someone found a small women’s college in Salina, Kansas willing to admit me if I could meet all the entrance requirements.
Here’s the kicker! After all these people pulled the strings to make it possible for me to attend Marymount, I decided that I didn’t want to go to college. I wanted to get married!
Not long after that declaration, my knight in shining armor – my stepfather – took me to lunch. He persuaded me to attend Marymount for a semester and said that if, at the end of that time, I wanted to come home and even get married, that would be alright.
He knew me better than I knew myself. Just like my mother, every new situation was a new adventure for me. I traveled to Salina, Kansas expecting high adventure. I was not disappointed. The people. The school. The activities. And as we all know, I stayed longer than one semester.
When I think of my time at Marymount and even how I got there, a book written by Dr. Seuss called: Oh the Places You’ll Go comes to mind. I thought surely he must have talked with mother about me.
So, I say to all of you tonight, “Come On” and walk this sentimental journey to Marymount through my eyes. Let’s celebrate, in Dr. Seuss’ words – the victories, mix-ups, off-balance times and even some of the strange birds we encountered.
My hope is that each of you will find a little bit of yourselves in the few stories and observations from my time at Marymount and my life that followed.
From the start, as in all our lives, I realized that I was at once both student and teacher. As an African-American, the role of teacher was primarily with my classmates and other students at the college. Many had never been in the same room with an African-American and certainly had never been seated next to one in class.
Although confident socially, intellectually, psychologically and spiritually, I never really had to establish myself outside my culture. So I had a lot of learning to do!
Ready as I was for Marymount experiences, of course, I had my share of faux pas and off-balanced times ….
Public speaking. I remember speaking before the community of nuns. Using note cards as was the tradition at that time. I am not sure how many cards were in my hand, but I do remember finishing much sooner than I had when I practiced. Once I sat down, I realized that I had read only the front of each card. I forgot to read the notes on the backs! … Just a little early life stumble!
And the smoker. How many remember the smoker? If you remember, there were some days the smoke was so thick that, when the door was opened, the entering person would have to ask who was in the room!
One time the smoke was so thick, that visibility was absolutely zero! I actually sat on the lap of a person. Startled, she tried to stand! Her cigarette touched my arm and burned it. Much explaining to do to Sister for I wasn’t a smoker!
Speaking of explaining, I spent more times laughing in microbiology lab. Sister declared for all to hear that I had found another new organism. Because when she looked at my drawings of what I saw in the microscope, they didn’t come close to the reality.
In the end, it’s these experiences and others that became memories to celebrate, to laugh about and to simply enjoy. Long gone are the feelings of embarrassment. Stories like these become a part of the tapestry of each of our shared and varied past when we were all young women finding our way.
One last Marymount story. It’s a very personal story. For this story, I would like to introduce you to my husband of 55 years – Lewis Belcher.
Honey, will you stand up?! Please. Thank you.
My husband and I met while I was at Marymount. He was not the same guy I had visions of marrying before going to college. We met when I was serving in an internship in Wichita. Within less than a year, we were engaged and I was wearing an engagement ring. I had planned to tell Sister Theophane as soon as I received it but somehow word got to her before I did. She sent for me. She wanted to know more about this “young man.”
With my head in the clouds, I told her about him. She was listening and watching me with those startling cool blue eyes. When I finally took a breath, she asked: Is he Catholic? No, Sister, I answered.
Couldn’t you find a good Catholic boy to marry? No, Sister, I answered, again. Without blinking, she said I want you to arrange for your young man to meet me here at the college. Lewis dutifully came from Wichita Air Force base and we met with Sister.
Among other things she said I want to remind you that if you and Jacquelyn marry, you are obligated to raise your children Catholic. With a chill in her voice and a toss of her head, she said: “And I do not expect that the marriage will last!”
What man would want to marry me after such an inquisition and prediction of failure for our marriage? Lewis!
Eight years later, when my husband was assigned to Smoky Hills Air Force Base, we went to visit Sister Theophane; introduced her to our 6 year old fraternal twin daughters, Toni and Terri. She fell in love with them and they with her.
Before we left, she said to us: “I just want you to know that I was mistaken. I feel the love between you. I know in my heart today that your love will last until death-do-you-part.
Indeed, Lewis and I have raised our glasses to Sister Theophane and to Marymount as we celebrated the love and friendship that permeated our relationship over the years, despite the initial forecast of doom.
Marymount educated, trained, conditioned, groomed, nurtured and prepared us for our future performances on the adult stage of life. After Marymount, my professional journey led me to leadership roles in colleges – and before I knew it, I had worked well over 50 years! Today, my business focuses on coaching education leaders for tomorrow.
So what is next for me? For you? For us? Each of us has our unique answer to that question. I do know that we have this very moment in time – tonight. . the good times. Now that is something to celebrate! Come on!
This reunion, this evening, this very moment is a symbol of the indomitable spirit of humanity, that inspires us all to step with confidence to the edge of life, to extract its meaning, to access its quality, to take wings.
We must celebrate the good times gleaned from our lives before, during and after Marymount.
So come on!! Stand with me!! Everyone! Repeat after me!
“This is the beginning of a new day.
God has given me this day to use, as I will.
I can waste it or use it for good.
What I do today is important, because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever,
leaving in its place something I have traded for it.
I want it to be a gain; not loss;
Good, not evil;
success, not failure,
in order that I shall not regret the price I paid for it.”
Then I can be sure that there will always be GOOD TIMES TO CELEBRATE.
Thanks everyone. Good night and – COME ON, LET’S CELEBRATE!
